Auld lang syne

Another year is about to start. For some, probably a fresh new beginning; for some, the continuation of an old story; for others, a perfectly legitimate excuse to let their hairs down! Whatever the story , the music is going to come blaring on, the DJs are going to line up their numbers, the parties are going to begin, the wine is going to flow, and all are going to enjoy- the pediatric ( child),geriatric (old),) and psychiatric ( wacko) populace included.

I remember the year we had spent New Year’s Eve dancing around the bonfire, non-alcohol induced, with family friends, at a forest in Jhargram, West Bengal, where probably the only lights today during New Year’s Eve would be that from the Maoist lanterns. It was perfectly safe and normal to spend holidays there in those parts during those days, just as it is unsafe today. I had told my wife (then-fiancée) that I would have rather spent the night in the company of “ spirits”, and had got an earful on the virtues of not drinking. Today, I think she was right. One doesn’t have to drench and slosh oneself in “spirits” to enjoy the New Year. I read a post in one of those “advice columns” by a teenager who wanted to drink only because his friends were planning to do so. Spare the trouble, kid. Chimpanzees mindlessly duplicate others- human beings were designed to be slightly more intelligent.

I have been spending rather quiet New Year’s Eves over the last two years. Is it a sign of premature senility, or rather the realization that life being one continuous celebration, what is there to sing and dance about on a particular day, anyway? Every year has brought about change in my fast-moving life- change of places, circumstances, family life et al. I have moved locations, from Kolkata to Delhi and Delhi to Pune, around the year-end; my daughter was born in January. Perhaps this seasonal turn of events is to be expected, since our birthdays and our anniversary, fall around this time, from November to February in an unending procession, so New Year must be special to us. Whatever, change has been the only unchanging theme of our lives.

I have seen a lot of New Year’s eves, starting from quiet evenings spent in front of the telly set with my parents in my schooldays, in the days when the party scene wasn’t really hot, and the heralding of the New Year in our (read normal middle class folks) lives was usually done by the solitary Doordarshan channel. And then, the days of drunken revelry in college, when one would be sloshed, and if not in alcohol, then at least in revelry. Riding the bike at night, honking and wishing “Happy New Year” to absolute strangers. Also seen the days of non- drunken revelry a la’ Jhargram (as described earlier) and ASCI Hyderabad (in my MHA days) , when dancing around the bonfire would be the most enjoyable thing to do. A “spirited” gathering on the outskirts of Hyderabad with friends, spending the better part of the night under the stars. Enjoying Swiss wine with a friend and her family and huddling around the bonfire. Frenzied dancing ( again with “ spirits”) on the terrace in 1 degree Celsius conditions at CR Park, New Delhi and driving past police barricades as if it were the most natural thing to do. And then, around two years back, after many many years, probably for the first time since my childhood days, spending a quiet New Year’s Eve, waiting expectantly with my wife and mom-in-law for the new addition to our family. And finally, last year, which was one of those mostly-at home, partially-outside (brief appearance at the avowedly non-alcoholic office residential colony party) occasions.

But this year, while my family is away, I will be probably curling up in front of the TV or laptop, or even pick up my favorite book, and spend my New Years’ eve alone. Probably join the New Year’s gathering in our office residential colony, briefly, but then again retiring back and spending time with myself. Probably it is like one of my colleagues told me today when I said I was on the wrong side of 35- I have become a “foddy doddy.” She might have been right, but what does it matter anyway, when you feel good doing what you want to do.

For it is exactly times like these that provide a chance to reflect on how life has changed over the years, and what life, in all its resplendent technicolour, might have or not have been. It reminds you a lot about lost dreams, lost innocence and lost loves, and about “want to dos”, “ love to dos” , “should dos” and “must dos”, the relative proportions of which are often hopelessly skewed in our lives today. As our psychedelic lifestyles catch up with us every day, hovering above our personal lives, love lives and professional lives, no matter how much we try to dissociate ourselves from the stress, disappointment and turmoil, it is only at moments like these that we perceive life in its true splendour, like a wide-eyed schoolboy looking at the golden sunrise through the window of his room.

“You want prosperity? Walk the straight, usual way. You want happiness? What a question! Prosperity comes, happiness follows”, that seems to have been the dominant theme of our lives, the script that many of us have been brought up with.

Then why, even in the midst of prosperity, does life seem hollow at times? Why this disharmony and entropy? Can all the wealth in the world compensate for the simple things that we crave in our lifetime, like contentedness with what we are doing, togetherness in our family lives, tranquility in our personal lives? And why, in the midst of the unprecedented prosperity in our middle class existence which our forefathers would never have been able to imagine, is depression on the rise, divorce rates headed north and societal violence peaking every year?

New Year’s Eve may be the perfect time to find these answers, and discover ourselves one again, by stripping off the layers of pretentiousness and just being our own selves once again.

Let me quote a few lines from the wonderful book, “The Monk who sold his Ferrari”, by Robin Sharma, which I had the chance to read a few months back:

“You practice the art of kaizen by pushing yourself daily. Work hard to improve your mind and

body.Nourish your spirit. Do the things you fear. Start to live with unbridled energy and limitless

enthusiasm. Watch the sun rise (how many of us have done it in the recent past?).Dance
in a rain shower ( done it since your school days?)Be the person you dream of being . Do

the things you have always wanted to do, but didn’t because you tricked yourself into believing
that you were too young, too old , too rich or too poor. Prepare to live a soaring, fully alive life.”

What do we need to achieve this? Only courage. Courage to run our own race. To write our own
script, and self-consciously reject all those who would have us believe otherwise. Courage to
believe that self - actualization is the first step on our journey towards happiness and
satisfaction.And to believe we must leave our imprint behind on an imperfect world .

To quote Epictetus, “No man is free who is not a master of himself.”

Many of us would have seen the epic movie, “ 3 idiots”. I believe that all of us have some element of “Rancho a.k.a. Ranchhoddas Chhachhad”, the irreverent protagonist in the movie, who followed his own mind, and not some mechanical mumbo-jumbo that made machines out of humans. We just need to find him somewhere, tucked away behind our starched formal attire and mechanical minds. I am happy that I am finding shades of him in my life these days, so I can spend my Sunday afternoons writing poetry, stories or meeting up with like-minded friends seeing “ All’s well that ends well” by Shakespeare; reading " Hamlet" original and unabridged and enjoying the rich usage of phrases; actually snapping at a potentially influential but obnoxious colleague instead of being politically correct in view of the potential consequences ; standing my ground at work without worrying too much ; spending the afternoon with friends distinguishing between red wine and white wine; blogging whatever comes to my mind ; reciting nonsensical limericks to my kiddo ;generally just being the way I want to be . Period.

Will it always be like this? Who knows, and who cares? I am living for today, and tomorrow be
damned!
As I write, my favourite song by ABBA is playing in the background:
“Chiquitita, tell me what’s wrong,
You're enchained by your own sorrow,
In your eyes there is no hope for tomorrow,
How I hate to see you like this,
There is no way you can deny it,
I can see that you're oh so sad, so quiet.”

This song was an uplifting experience for me many, many years back, when I went through unprecedented mental turmoil and disturbance, and life had seemed bleak, meaningless, stuck at an impasse’ which seemed insurmountable. It exactly mirrored my state of mind in the winter of 1994-95. Another New Year ’s Eve.

And then, come along the inspirational lines:
“Chiquitita, you and I cry
And the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita.
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita.”

We can all sing new songs in our lives, if we want to. The change comes from “wanting”. This New Year is the perfect time for creating that new tune in your life- singing, dancing, acting, loving, hugging, kissing, reading ,writing, painting, clicking, travelling, trekking or whatever it is that you have always wanted to do. Go find the Rancho within yourself .

Happy New Year 2012. Hope it turns out to be great for you, and for all those around you.