The joys and travails of long distance parenting

Parenting is a rather difficult art at any time. From birth, to subsequent growth and development of a child, both physical and psychological, it is a process that is at the same time profoundly fascinating, exhausting but rewarding. And one of the most difficult challenges that one can face is being a long distance parent.

I have been at it for several years. From the time I had to leave her back in Kolkata in 2011, in near –tears after two years of incredible closeness, it’s been an up and down journey, sometimes frustrating, sometimes rewarding, but always worth it. Because there is no greater reward than being able to connect to your child and hear those magical words,” Papalu’ (her nickname for me).There are days when she is garrulous, and days when she hardly wants to communicate, so it’s a rather trying journey. But always worth it. Because this is the very kid I held close to me as she slept, when she was born, on a bitterly cold night in 2010 at Delhi.

There have been missed occasions, like her first day of school, and her dance performance at her preschool. Times when she has been ill but I have been away. But also memorable occassions, like the interview for her school, where she currently studies, way back in Sept 2012, where she got selected from an interminably long list of candidates. Her Annual Sports, which I got to attend in Dec 2013. The Parent Teacher meetings.  And by God’s grace, I have been able to attend and celebrate each one of her birthdays, whether I have been at Pune or Chennai, and will continue to do so.

The ground rules of long-distance parenting are fundamentally no different from that of full-time parenting- love for your child, awareness and appreciation of what is important to her and her magical world of friends , fairies and goblins, and the patience to listen in a non-judgemental way . God almighty willing, I will be able to perform this role in  the years to come, as a fully involved, albeit non-resident parent. It’s a  balancing act, in the face of multiple activities and priorities, but something I would gladly do at all costs.

The things you miss out on, are undeniable- playing ball with her on the terrace, drawing pictures with her on the laptop, listening to her exploits as she would takes me on a guided tour of the bedroom, reading out good night stories to her, tucking her into bed, and in general, feeling her, hugging her, kissing her, dancing with her and getting enthralled by her kiddish antics. Spontaneity metamorphoses into planned visits, Skype calls replace daily face to face interactions, WhatsApp pictures substitute seeing her in front of me day and night. But still, I would say, “ Thank God”, because I can actually see her and hear her, courtesy modern technology ( thank you, Skype and Whats App, where would I  be without you?)

And then there will be many more birthdays where we will be cutting the cake together as usual, and there will be trips to the Technological Museum (her favourite place), trips to the Zoo, more daddy-daughter dates, seeing Chhota Bheem serials together, and visits to her school and art school. More occasions of Holi and Diwali.Seeing her off at school when I am in Kolkata.  Spending time together during her holidays. And more phone calls and Skype calls. Though it takes a bit of planning ( both me and my wife are seeing her off to school on her first day of the new class this year), and is difficult emotionally and logistically, I have no doubt that long-distance parenting  will ultimately work .

For, at the end of the day, what is parenting all about? I can sum it up in an elegant four-letter word: LOVE.