Life is NOT a race

I recently  saw  an ad  for  Aakash  Institure  in Ranchi. Yes, the  very  same  cram classes  which mass produce Engineering  &  Medicine entrance  aspirants  year  after  year. 

It reminded me of  “3 Idiots”, where  students  are  forced  to lead  a rat  race.  And so  I saw  the  movie once again today. The  issue of whether a  guy wants  to be an Engineer  is sealed  by his  overambitious  Dad  at  birth (  “Farhan Quereshi, Engineer”)  Extrapolate  this to  many  Indian parents who insisit  their  chilren become  “Engineersaab” , “Doctor saab”. At times, against  their  wishes  and natural  capabilities. The moot  question  is not  whether Engineering  or medicine  are great  professions ( and  there  are many  good alternatives, no  matter how the elders argue  otherwise) . The question is of extrapolating  parents’ ambitions  onto  childfrens’ lives. The key  word  is”Against  their wishes.”

Similatly, “Virus”is  thje kind of professor  we would  want  to avoid. “Life  is a race.” Kill  or  be killed.  I  have  seen a  fee hyperambitious  teachers ( and  many good ones) in my lifetime.

Farhan was  an example of  a guy who  broke free against  his  parents’wishes. Many  Indian  children are not  so lucky. 

Raju  broke free  from his worrying  the  day he realised  worry and overambition  are barriers  to success. His  mother dominated him  in a different way. It  is  called “sentimental  manipulation.” The  argument  given  is”Oh,but  we  love  you”, not  realizing  that  this  is a  deadly, strangulating, suffocative  love, harmful  for  the  child. “

Rancho was  the sanest  among the  three. He  grew up  with  least expectations  , unprejudiced  by his parents, and  was  the  most  successful  among the three.

“We  know  what’s  best  for  you” parents  say.  I beg to  differ, but  at the risk of heresy, let  me state that  parents  don’t realize that  their childrens’ lives  are very  different from theirs, and so  they  simply cannot  know what’s  best for  the  child after  he or she  has  grown up. There is a  thin line between  guidance and  brainwashing/ pushing, and many ignorant  parents  often don't realize  this.

Need  proof?  Look at  the student  suicide  rate  in India:

http://www.ndtv.com/india-news/a-spate-of-suicides-highlights-the-pressures-on-students-in-india-1269694?browserpush=true

It’s  not only about career  choices. Some  parents (  I have  seen a  few) are  disciplinarians  to an extreme. “Left, right, Left” seems  to be  their  motto. A basic  discipline  is required  for  all  of us, but to instill an army barrack  like  atmosphere  kills  the  very  purpose, that is , development of the  children. Call it “interference”.I  will never call it “guidance.”

The  day  my daughter  was  born, I decided  my  prejudices  would not  rub off upon her. She does  Kathak, goes  to the Gym, and  well , is also  good in studies.Let  her grow up  and be  a Kathak  dancer if she  wants  to. Or a  doctor  or engineer if she  wants it  that  way. The  key  word is, She should  be happy.

Be responsible  parents. Give your  children  their  breathing  space.  They  are  not  robots. They  will  find their  wings  without  your  pushing. And  if you  still want  to keep  pushing them, don’t be surprised if they ignore  you  at  at  a later point  in life.